Given that you're someplace where it's cold, you'll want to spend the extra on Gore-Tex or its equivalent- because gore-tex breathes most effectively when the thermal gradient across the membrane (read: really cold outside but body temperature inside) it'll make a big difference to have a drytop that breathes- when it's cold out, the difference between being dry inside your shell and not is the difference between being happy and dangerously miserable.
Alas, although they do make neoprene gaskets, they are less sealant, unless they are more constrictive. Latex is the only real option for a dry top. ...and a semi-dry top is useless when it's cold. You'd do better to pour water down your back in the comfort of your home.
There's good news, however: that 'choking' feeling (where your eyes bug out ever so slightly) goes away very quickly- it's a particular experience you have with a new gasket, which goes away once the gasket has stretched a bit. After it's been used a while, it will be un-noticeable, just like the collar on your shirt, if a little rubbery.

A common technique is to get a cylinder-shaped object (like a scuba tank or a fire extinguisher or an oatmeal container) about the thickness of your neck and leave the gasket on it for a couple days to stretch. A less-desirable method is to trim the inside of the gasket- the danger is that once the latex stretches/relaxes, that it'll leak.
Your neck may or may not be thicker than average; your experience of eye-bugging hate and discontent, however, is normal. Stretch the latex, you won't regret it.